Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Three Keys to Making Conscious Choices in 2006

By David Steele

In this first month of a new year I'd like to declare 2006 the 'Year of Conscious Choices.' Our planet would work so much better if all choices were conscious.

(Note: see below for f`ree Making Conscious Choices audio program.)

What does it mean to be 'Conscious?'

To illustrate, I propose the following three levels of consciousness:

1. Unconscious
(awake but unaware)

This is when you forget where you put your keys, leave the headlights on and are surprised by a dead battery, drive past your freeway exit, etc. You're simply not paying attention.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're unconscious we crash and sink before we see it.

2. Semi-conscious (aware of what’s in front of you)

This is when you're sure you know what's what. We believe that our stories (beliefs, interpretations, etc) and sensory perceptions (see, hear, feel, etc) are true and correct.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're semi-conscious we're aware of the iceberg and truly believe we know how to avoid it, then crash and sink because it's larger than we thought.

3. Conscious (aware of the big picture)

This is when we humbly understand that 'you don't know what you don't know,' and realize that there may be more to a situation than we can see or understand at the time. We are aware of our goal and do our best to learn more about the situation and examine our options to make the best possible choice.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're conscious we realize that we need to know more about what's under the surface before making our choices about how to proceed.

Three Keys to Making Conscious Choices

1. Be clear about who you are and what you want

What's the purpose of your life? What is your Vision for your life, work, and relationships? What are your requirements, needs, and wants in any situation?

Strive to lower the waterline on the iceberg that is your
Self to achieve the clarity you need to be motivated and empowered.

2. Stay focused on what's important to you- don't settle for less

Most people 'lead lives of quiet desperation.' They want to be happy, but don't know how and don't think it's possible. However, the Law of Attraction can work for you or against you, and if you expect less, you'll get less.

Go after what you really want in your life and assume you
can find the choices needed to be successful if you're looking for them.

3. Be supportable- with enough help you can do anything!

We're human, and no-one is successful alone. We need to be conscious of our support needs and proactively seek to get them met.

Continually ask yourself what help you need and who can help you.

Wishing you a healthy, happy, conscious New Year.

©2006 by David Steele

A New Year's Gift for You!
Listen to a recorded version of this timely, inspirational seminar

Making Conscious Choices:
Three Keys to Your Success

(30 min- recorded from a live seminar)

Did you know that David Steele is a professional speaker? For more information about David's professional speaking please visit

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Double Your Romance with One-Way Dates

By David Steele

Over time, couples can easily develop routines that become ruts and it seems like romance goes out the window.

Does this sound familiar?

Partner #1: “What do you want to do?”

Partner #2: “I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?”

Then they end up doing pretty much the same thing they have done before.

Couples can also fall into “compromise ruts,” where each gives up what they really want to do in order to find something they can both agree upon. For example, in choosing movies, he might love action-adventure, she might love drama, and they might routinely compromise on comedies. After awhile, this might get old! (True story- happened to me!)

What’s the alternative? How can couples keep their romance fresh and exciting?

Try rotating the following four ONE-WAY DATES:

TYPE 1: Partner #1 creates a romantic experience for partner #2

The purpose of this date is to give a gift and please partner #2 one hundred percent. This doesn’t have to cost anything, and doesn’t even require going anywhere, as long as the time and activities are creatively focused on what would please partner #2.

TYPE 2: Switch; partner #2 creates a romantic experience for partner #1

TYPE 3: Partner #1 creates a self-centered romantic experience

The purpose of this date is for partner #1 to please themselves 100%, to have romance exactly the way they want, sharing the experience with partner #2 in the way they wish, but not worrying about partner #2’s experience at all.

TYPE 4: Switch; partner #2 creates a self-centered romantic experience

To work, this requires planning and coordination. I suggest couples plan their dates and one-way types on a calendar a year in advance. This may sacrifice the spontaneity that some prefer but often can’t sustain, for intentionality that can continue to create romantic closeness and excitement for decades to come.

I have found that trying to reach agreement on everything can hinder creativity and dilute the possibilities. Using these One-Way Dates allows for each partner to freely and creatively choose activities that would truly please themselves or their partner, without eliminating exciting choices trying to please both.

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute, author of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.